Today I'm Thankful For...

Today I'm thankful for many things. Most especially the few hours I got to hold my beloved son Patrick. Today would be his first Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for the love he brought us even though it was only for a short time. I'm thankful that God chose me to be his mother and Jason to be his father. I'm thankful for the support of our friends and family as they walked the difficult road with us. I'm thankful for the grace God has poured down upon me these last 3 months and the healing that I have experienced. I'm thankful for a wonderful church that has blessed our family with a beautiful garden where he was buried. I'm thankful for Jason's job, even when it seems some things aren't fair. I'm thankful for my friendships, near and far. I'm thankful for our beautiful home and the opportunity to make it our own. I look forward to many more Thanksgivings here. And lastly, I am truly blessed and thankful for my husband, Jason, and my two beautiful healthy boys, Jackson and Brayden who I couldn't live without! HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Catching Up

It's been way too long since I've updated the blog. I think about it everyday, but am finally pulling myself off of facebook and here's the latest news from the Banks household...

We have had a really good few weeks, thanks to a great psychologist that we have been seeing. We have a lot of love for one another, but with the death of Patrick among all the other obstacles from the last 6 years, I finally needed someone to talk too. Jason was also excited to join me and it has been such a great experience for both of us. I'm actually quite amazed that we made it this long without talking to someone. Needless to say, we are back to getting into our old groove and things are great! Say a little prayer for Jason, he is putting in for a detective position tomorrow and we would love this opportunity for our family. He has worked really hard the last 8 years and it would be a great payoff for all his hard work.

I have also been sewing up a storm. Most of you know that I make diaper wallets. I'm going to be in 3 upcoming craft shows with my friend Lexy who is making baby blankets and loveys. I'm so excited to actually try this new venture out. We will be in Dallas November 20th and in Arlington on November 21st and December 5th. If you want to come shop for some Christmas, it would be great to see all of you there.

On Tuesday, I went to get my haircut (by the best hairdresser in the world) and was watching a little boy get his haircut while I waited for my appointment. In the meantime I was playing peek-a-boo with his little sister. To make a long story short, I ended up talking to their mom, Whitney. After a few minutes talking about our kids, MDO, and mom's groups, I mentioned that I was President of AECPTA. She asked my name and then said, "I know you." She's been reading my blog and we have actually commented back and forth a few times. It was so cool and a total God thing that we met that day. I'm looking forward to having her at pancake parties on Monday's and maybe we will be able to convince her to finally join our mom's group too. Shannon has been working on it for a while already.

I want to say congrats to my friends Joy, Laura, and Becky who all had beautiful baby boys in the last 6 weeks. It's a blessing to have your boys in my life for me to love on. They remind me so much why I chose life for Patrick and even though my baby boy is in heaven, I get the chance to celebrate the healthy lives of these 3 little boys. I can't wait to spend more time with all of them.

Here are some recent pics of the boys. They are doing great and loving their new school. I can't believe Jackson will be 3 in a couple of weeks. It's hard to imagine how fast they are growing up. We are truly blessed!

Deep Fried Butter

Yesterday, Jason and I headed to the State Fair of Texas. Of course, it's our date day since the boys are in MDO. We opted for an enjoyable fair day hence the reason we went while it would be just the two of us. Neither one of us ate breakfast with the full intention of gorging on all kinds of wonderful fair food. Let's just say, we ate and ate and ate some more and then drove home only to rest for 20 minutes before picking up the boys. My first thing to eat was a Fletcher's corndog, then onto Jason's first pick, deep fried butter. That's right, deep fried butter. The funny thing was that the guy who created this was actually trying to convince us that it was healthy since it was butter and not margarine. Anyway, they weren't bad. We had ours topped with honey and cinnamon/sugar. They looked like donut holes. It won for "most creative" in the food category for the fair this year. Next was a big ear of corn, fresh squeezed lemonade, and Jason had come beef gordita and a chicken soft taco that he liked a lot. We ran out of coupons, so we opted to stop eating and just walk off some of the food we just ate.

I got a new wallet in one of the market areas and then we got suckered into purchasing Shu-Nu after a demonstration on my very old and dirty shoes. Jason has been cleaning and spraying all his shoes and is convinced we didn't get scammed out of $20. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. We were hoping to look at some mini-vans while we were there, but the car show area had been scaled down a bunch. Honda wasn't even there, Nissan didn't have a van, so we only got to check out the Toyota Sienna. I really liked it and I think we've narrowed it down to a Sienna or Quest. Somewhere in our future a mini-van lives. Can't hardly wait. It's a little embarrassing to think of how excited I am to be driving the "looser cruiser" as Jason calls it.

If you get a chance, head to the fair and enjoy the beginning of fall. It's one of my favorite times of the year.

Some poems

~I'll Be There~

Daddy please don't look so sad, Momma please don't cry,
Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God, Don't think He is unkind,
Don't think He sent me to you, And then He changed His mind.
You see, I am a special child, And I'm needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, The product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, And watch the sky at night
Find the brightest star that's gleaming
That's my halo's brilliant light
You'll see me in the morning frost, That mists your window pane,
That's me, in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze, From a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there, Planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing, And your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there, Giving your heart a hug.
So, daddy, please don't look so sad, Momma don't you cry,
I'm in the arms of Jesus, and He sings me lullabies.

~Angel Wings~

A precious angel slipped away,
no one heard a cry.
No time for Dad and Mommy to sing me lullabies.
My time with you was much too short.
I had to leave too soon,
But love had joined us as I grew
inside my Mommy's womb.
It wove it's way within our hearts,
in all our hopes and dreams,
Until the very purest love became my tiny wings.
Although I could not stay with you,
I knew right from the start,
That once you felt your angel's love,
you'd keep me in your hearts.
I'm just a little angel but time was not in vain.
As dark clouds that surround you
give way unto the sun,
My precious parents you will see
that any heart will sing,
If only for a moment it is brushed by angel wings.

By Jean Rozon

~My Mom is a Survivor~

My Mom is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
When all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands upon the beach
That never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise.
But through heaven's open door
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with my death
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her
Knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
Through heaven's open door...
I try to tell her
Angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, talk to her...
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
That time won't ever heal.

by Kaye Des'Ormeaux

The time...

It has been exactly 4 weeks since Patrick's birth. At this very time 4 weeks ago, we were still holding our little baby, taking pictures, and trying to process what the day had brought. I was completely exhausted and in a fog. Time seems to be playing a trick on me. I know it's only been 4 weeks, but it seems like 4 months these last few days. I think this might be God's grace on meas I try to pull myself together everyday and focus on my family.

Speaking of my family, we are all doing amazingly well. Jason is going back to work this week. It's been nice having him home this last month. I couldn't have done it without him. He is having some cardiac testing done, so please keep him in your prayers. Hopefully we'll have more information in the next few weeks once the last appointment is done on the 22nd. I'm sure the stress of Patrick's death hasn't made any of this better, but he's in great hands and has a wonderful doctor. The same one we saw while he was going through chemo. We have always had such great doctors and I know we will continue to be blessed.

Tonight we all went to the Ranger's game. Our friends, Laura, Jason and Alexander also joined us. Unfortunately we had to leave around the 5th inning since the boys were past their bedtime. I hope they sleep in a little bit in the morning. I should really go to be myself soon.

Below is a picture of the plaque that has been donated to place at the church where he is buried. There will be some sort of dedication at the church once we receive it. I'll let everyone know when that is.

Goodnight all! Thanks for your continued prayers and support. I am truly grateful.

Peace,

Lisa

Patrick's Video

I think I figured out how to finally put the video on the blog. I look at it everyday and listen to the song over and over again. Something about it makes it "Patrick's Song" to me. I'd recommend having a Kleenex box nearby if possible. I can't tell all of enough how awesome it is to have these pictures and video of our son. There is something comforting about knowing that I won't forget what he looked like and who shared this experience with us. Like I told Carleen last night, "thank you" isn't enough for what she has been able to give me. I love you, Carleen, and am so happy we are friends!!!!

The Monday's

It seems like Monday's are a regular blogging day for me. I really intend on doing more posts, but just don't have the time. Actually, if I could peel myself away from Facebook, I'd probably get more blogging done.

We had a great week last week, with the boys starting Mother's Day Out at our new school. Jackson is going 3 days a week and Brayden, 2 days a week. I was really nervous on Monday since B usually naps around 1o and they weren't going to be napping until 12. Well, after his first day, one of the directors tells me that she held him most of the day. At first I thought he was just falling apart from not napping like he does at home, but it really was that she just adopted him and loved on him all day. I can't blame her since he does have the cutest little face and those big blue eyes with the Bambie eyelashes. He's already got the ladies wrapped around his little finger. It made me happy to know that someone else was loving on my baby. I think with not having Patrick home, I needed that security. God really knew what I needed, and that was it. Dropping him off on Thursday was much easier knowing he was well loved. Jackson did great at school. This is his second year and he's not missing a beat. He seems to really love his new school and teacher. He is napping great, talking about school, and the drop offs and pickups are much easier too.

It's nice having 2 days a week for myself and I am hoping to get my sewing business up and running a little more. I am also going to look into tutoring for the district part time to give me something to do. For now, I'm going to try and ease into things and enjoy some much needed down time. It'll be great for Jason and I since he is off on Tuesdays and we have a day to ourselves. I know we are both looking forward to making this our "date" days.

I hope all of you who actually read my blogs have been able to see the video that Carleen put together of my maternity pics and of Patrick at the hospital. I can't believe how awesome it is and I treasure it. I probably watch it at least once a day. I just can't get enough. If I can figure out how to put it on my blog, I'll add a link, otherwise, email me at banksintexas@yahoo.com and I will be glad to share it with you. I try to keep him alive in my heart and talk about him. I just don't want to pretend that he doesn't exist. It's a weird line to walk, but I am doing my best. I am now going to be taking all the gifts I received and make a shadow box with all of my momentos for Patrick. Other than that, we are getting back into our normal routine at home and am feeling better everyday!