Today, I got a regular OB check up. The first one since before we found out the baby has Potter's. I felt like normal for a split second until the doctor walked in. He measured my belly which he said measures right on track as if I had amniotic fluid. Maybe God is working some other miracle I don't know about. He also said that in 2 weeks he'll schedule my c-section for 36-37 weeks gestation. That should put me delivering the first week of September. Maybe I'll ask for 9-9-09 and see what they say. It would be kinda fun! I have another sono in 4 weeks and that's all I know for now.
It's been an emotional couple of days. I think Jason is starting to process through this more and my anxiety level is rising steadily. I had to call my mom this afternoon and just cry (more like balled) my eyes out. I don't know if I can do this. Can I really hold my baby and kiss him/her goodbye? I don't think I can, but I don't have a choice. It's not fair. Why has God chosen me, with his all-knowing and loving heart, to carry this cross? I don't want to have to pick a delivery date. I can feel the ulcer already starting to form with the anticipation that by getting on the operating table, I'm fully aware that giving birth to my child is also his death. I just don't want to have to know when that day is. Someone will probably have to drag me to the OR as I'll be inconsolable at the moment.
As many of you are continuing your prayers for me, please pray that I can be strong and not weak, accepting of His will, and have the courage to face the next 9 weeks or so with thanksgiving that I have been chosen to be the mother of this baby.
Peace and God Bless!
Oh, Lisa....I can't even imagine your pain. Reality comes to light as things get closer and having a definitive date in your head and on your calendar is probably one of the toughest things to have put in front of you. God, your Faith, your Family and your Friends will pull you through this. I know it will not be an easy climb, but your were picked for a reason. You were picked because you are so much stronger and more faithful than the rest of us. You were picked because God knew you, of all his children, could survive this devastation and make something better of it. My love an prayers are with you....
ReplyDeletemy heart feels your sweet n sour! I found you thru Joy's blog...I met her at the pool one day...but even as a stranger to you - Im praying for my sister in Christ and know that God must have chosen an amazing woman/mommy...for this task. You have a beautiful family and we are praying for strength! whitney terrell whitterrell@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteLisa-I debated for a while whether or not to send you this link. It is a poem by Erma Bombeck entitled "The Special Mother". I hope it will minister to you in a positive way as my intent is not to cause you further grief over your special baby. My prayers on your behalf remain a part of my daily routine.
ReplyDelete-Peace, Eastlyn
http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Special_mother.html
Oh Lisa,
ReplyDeletePlease know God has chosen you because you are such a witness to His power and love. Just listening to you makes me stronger. You are a testimate to the strength only He can give. You will do it and you will survive and you will be a mom to three precious children, one in heaven and two on earth. Just remember when it becomes overwhelming we are here for you also, all of your friends!
Jen H
Sweet Lisa,
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be strong...God will show Himself strong on your behalf. He knows the value you and Jason place on each life He creates. God is so faithful to us and will carry you, Jason, and the boys through this bittersweet season in your lives. In the meantime, remember that you have the special blessing and task of caring for and "holding" your baby close for a while longer. Cherish this time you have together now.
I love you!
Sandy